Katrina Lim

One among millions

By Katrina Lim

I AM not an economist. Neither am I a great philosopher. I am a Filipino, a Filipino who has her own views about what is happening around us. I look at the papers and watch the news, and I see nothing but moral decay. I shrink into the background and play observer.

I have a very bleak view about many things. No one gives a damn about anything aside from what bothers or pleases him. Everyone is too preoccupied with one's own concerns to even bother to smile. Last week, I dozed off while waiting in a "motorela," a public utility vehicle, and I was rudely awakened when a passenger bumped against me as she tried to keep her balance. I was disturbed to note that the woman across me didn't move an inch so that the other passenger could pass with ease. Even a situation as small as that showed me how we have become so selfish and so obsessed with making our lives less burdensome that we don't think of others anymore.

I know that deep inside us we know the reason for the continuing regression of our country. The reason is ourselves. I hear so many Filipinos, myself included, blaming the President, the corruption in government, and even something as absurd as local superstitions for the peso's fall. Each of us thinks that since we are just one among so many millions we won't make a difference. But what we don't get or simply refuse to see is that we are not the only ones relying on the next person; everyone is. And that adds up to a lot of problems.

Look at me, for example. I used not to give even a thought to anything that didn't concern me directly. I was selfish and self-centered (and maybe I still am). There was this veil that kept me from seeing reality, a veil that also protected me against the imperfect world that wasn't mine. I had wrong ideas about generosity and love. I thought giving away a few coins to a beggar was proof enough of my kindness. How wrong could you get?

No one would really care to listen if I say I want to make a difference in this world. That is such a cliché. But I will say it anyway: I want to make a difference.

Now I must confess that sitting inside a restaurant, chatting with friends while picking on my food doesn't feel like so much fun when I look out the window and notice a bunch of haggard-looking street children outside, begging for loose change so that they can buy their next meal. I want to stop criticizing the President and start having faith in our government officials again. I want to smile sincerely at passersby and to feel my heart lift when they return the smile. I want to hear more words of thanksgiving than complaints about having been cheated by the driver, the saleslady or the government official. And remain hopeful that all these wishes will become true someday. Then I will have proved that one Filipino among so many millions does matter.